#she's more patient than i am
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hi idk if this has been said but . pls hear my vision… lindsay and noah platonic duo. brains and the beauty. noahs the brains. lindsays the beauty. noahs like “jeez this girl is dumb i cn manipulate her or smth” but then he starts warming up to her and they like paint eachothers nails and talk about boys or somthing idk please theyre besties trust 🤞
(also noah finally gets a makeover courtesy of lindsay)
I think I might've mentioned this exact duo before, though I may be wrong about that. Regardless, I've had Many A Thought about the potential dynamic between Lindsay "reclaiming bimbo as a term of empowerment" and Noah "could be god's biggest hater but was nerfed with an inability to GAF", to the point where I have a few drafts exploring this exact concept.
Through the lens of my eyes (blurry as it would be, my prescription fairly strong), I don't think Noah would ever consider manipulating Lindsay- at least, not in a similar manner to the likes of Heather or Alejandro. He's shown in canon to be pretty adverse to the idea. Why else would he make those comments about Alejandro in "I See London..."?
Not that he doesn't think about how easy it would be to use her. But his morality wins out over his scheming thoughts pretty quickly- no one wants to be New Heather, after all.
However, he's also shown a capacity to explore sneakier options of deception and trickery; pretending to pass out during the 20k run in The Big Sleep, trying to excuse his comment about Alejandro under the guise of it "being a compliment where he's from", tricking the Sasquatch with his fake ball throwing, getting himself eliminated on purpose in Dodgebrawl. I'm trying to think of other examples In Canon off the top of my head, but I'm coming up short since most of his actual speaking lines in the show are 'zingers' and 'witty one-liners' instead of actual character moments.
And we also know, from the way he treats Owen, that he's a lot more patient and indulgent towards the... 'slower' or 'simpler' contestants. He very rarely gets mad at Owen's mistakes- see how he gently chastises him in "Super Happy Crazy Fun Time Japan" when he's disturbing their set, he'd pretty much gentle parenting him, or how he doesn't even raise his voice against Owen after being blasted by nose-shake in "I See London...". You could argue that Owen just has best friend privileges, but given the way he also talks about his dog I think Noah just has a soft spot for happy-go-lucky, heart-of-gold, kind of stupid people (and blondes). Sound familiar?
Lindsay would fall under this umbrella of 'treat with kindness' because of this, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't try to subtly nudge her in the 'right direction'- out of Heather's and/or Alejandro's influence and into his own. For her own safety, of course.
Not that I think he'd even like Lindsay at first. The two of them are opposite ends of the social spectrum; I'd take a while for Lindsay to break through his snarky exterior, but I think eventually Noah would realise that she isn't the 'two-faced airhead popular girl' he'd assumed her to be and quickly warm up to her (she's airheaded, sure, but there's nothing two-faced or nefarious/mean-spirited about Lindsay). It's a classic case of "extrovert adopts introvert".
Meanwhile, Lindsay would be dead-set on breaking Noah out of his sour little shell. Either because she overhears Owen/Izzy/Eva explaining how Noah struggles to make friends because he's "very shy" and "mixes up his insults and his compliments", thus she assumes that, hey, Noah's made fun of her a few times, maybe that was just him trying to be friendly? So she makes it her mission to reciprocate his efforts and befriend him (much to Noah's initial suspicion, and begrudging appreciation).
Or she gets the concept of a 'gay best friend' stuck in her head (an impressive feat, getting anything stuck in such a vacant space /j) probably from watching too many high school teen dramas, and sees Noah as the ideal candidate since he pretty much embodies most of the stereotypical GBF traits; a sassy twink who's defining characteristic is making snarky comments. If Noah ever caught wind of this, he'd either be mortified by the concept and avoid Lindsay like the plague until she'd eventually hunt him down, or he'd think the whole concept is too funny to pass up and gladly play the part- if only for his own amusement. (Personally I headcanon him as bi, but he's so canonically queer coded that he fits the stereotype anyway.)
Which is all just a long-winded way of me saying I think Lindsay would kindle the friendship without giving Noah much of a choice (again, extrovert adopting introvert) and Noah would just go along with it, being the lazy guy he is, and quickly grow fond/protective over her.
If he and Owen are the golden retriever and black cat dynamic, Noah and Lindsay are an afghan hound and a black cat; Noah has a lot of black cat energy (that's just a given) and you cannot tell me that Lindsay isn't an afghan hound- they're pretty, gentle-natured and renown for their low intelligence.
Plus, Lindsay's capacity for meanness (as unintentional as it may be) would be comedy gold to Noah. He'd encourage her to keep that sharp tongue and steel spine, if not for his own entertainment, then to ensure she doesn't become someone else's doormat again. In return, Lindsay would bring out a softer side of Noah, likely a result of her reminding him of his several older sisters.
She'd absolutely abuse her 'soft Noah' privileges too by roping him in on sleepovers where the two of them gossip and paint each other's nails (Noah's against the idea at first but Lindsay hits him with the puppy eyes and he folds like a lawn chair), eventually leading to Lindsay giving Noah a much needed glow up. He finds himself enjoying the pampering- though he'd never admit it- and Lindsay's just ecstatic that she has someone to use as a dress-up doll (Tyler wouldn't let her give him another makeover after Paris).
#i have a lot of thoughts about the beauty&brains duo#this would also be why lindsay calls tyler 'noah' in wt btw. she's mixing up her bf and her gbf. doesn't help that they both--#have long-ish brown hair and wear red (she's face blind give my girl a break 😭)#this ended up longer than i anticipated. again. at this point i should stop assuming i'll give short responses.#the brainrot cannot be contained. i am patient zero.#anyway THANK YOU FOR THE ASK please feed me more b&b content. it fuels me.#total drama#td lindsay#td noah#silly headcanons#character analysis#⬅ kind of? a little bit#replies#long post
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i love bringing anti-establishment vibes into the establishment
#im radicalizing my coworkers#but also im like why are yall not as antiestablishment for me when the corporation we work for is obviously horrible#the pharmacist literally got yelled at (not even hyperbolic) for taking off around christmas#luckily the store was closed on christmas day itself#but like bruh#then we literally have severe understaffing making unsafe working conditions for the patients#and we are all running around like a chicken w our heads cut off all shift#im like guys we are all slaves to the corporation#and theyre all making even less money than i am and i dont even make that much#except the pharmacist of course#idk how everyone doesnt have my very anti-establishment mindset#but anyway#i hope my pharmacist didnt take what i said as an insult#i just said that the corporation is forcing one pharmacist to check 8 million prescriptions in 5 seconds#and when you work faster than you should it causes more mistakes#but that was after my one coworker said but (pharmacist name#) does it#so i hope she didnt take that as a dig at her#bc shes writing my recommendations LMAO#and also just bc i like her#bc shes just doing the best in a system that has set her up to fail#its not her fault#she's a good pharmacist#but in this environment safety or patient care is not the priority profit is#and they literally just cut the store hours again#so theyre just making it even worse
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watching people discover the fucked up science guy part of viktor's lore and then being like "we need to acknowledge that he's a fucked up science guy 😔" is so funny. like yeah, he is a fucked up science guy who thinks ethics committees are bullshit because in his mind having rights temporarily violated is perfectly fine if it means saving lives—especially when the ones condemning his beliefs don't offer what they consider to be an ethical alternative to fix the problem and simply let it continue to exist.
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who experimented on himself following a, quote: traumatic period of introspection. he had a mental breakdown, fell into a major depressive episode, and spending this horrible time of his life "alone in the depths" reinforced and radicalized his previous beliefs, and to showcase his beliefs (and to try and get rid of his emotions because of how overwhelming they were) he turned himself into a cyborg (and did in fact make himself worse in certain ways but ehh who cares /j).
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who gave a kid back alley anti anxiety meds so he could face down his bullies, but he did so after making him a cozy beverage, teaching him about the dangers of propaganda and baseless rumors, and having him scream into a megaphone to freak out said bullies because it was funny (not that he'd admit to finding it funny because then he'd have to admit to having emotions, and well he can't do that, no sir).
so yes, viktor is a fucked up science guy, but that's half his charm! he cares so much about helping people, but he's a weirdo and freak about it! though to be fair, in the city that also has a chemically enhanced werewolf (warwick), a sentient blob of goo (zac), a wind and water goddess (janna), and a literal war criminal who invented chemical warfare (singed), among many other wacky individuals, he's pretty normal all things considered! fucked up science is just a part of life in zaun, my dudes!
#viktor league of legends#machine herald#uhh those are the only tags I'm doing#still not making a lol tag < is my lol tag#absolutely no hate or offense intended towards anyone bringing up viktor's deeply questionable ethics btw#it's just genuinely a really funny phenomenon to me is all#fr though viktor (and zaun) are meant to represent that dark messy side of science people don't like to acknowledge exists#we would not be where we are today scientifically if it weren't for the people who willingly or unwilling crossed the line#according to a reddit ama the person who wrote viktor’s 2016 lore was directly inspired by the scientists who invented local anesthesia#and tested it on themselves before testing it on patients! obviously what viktor did is just a smidge more extreme than that#but you get the point#he's not evil he's just not exactly mentally well lmao. except the times where he is an evil super villain#95% of the time he should be a weird but otherwise normal guy and the other 5% he should rob banks with his buddies for comedic effect#as zaun is all dark and gritty and deals with complicated complex themes but also it's like a saturday morning cartoon down there#that story from legends of runeterra where viktor takes away all of jinx’s weapons and then gets beat up by vi for it bc she didn't know#that's why the two of them were causing trouble is so fucking funny. just another tuesday am I right?#to be clear I intentionally took a more comedic tone w this post bc I don't have the energy to get into a nuanced discussion of ethics#and discuss the themes of academic elitism mental illness and other stuff in viktor's lore seriously#nor am i particularly knowledgeable of certain aspects that play a part in his lore aka glorious (r)evolution
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"I was surprised you'd stick up for Astarion"
Shadowheart. GIRL. He's biting me every night. You sleep right next to us. I'm bending my goody-two-shoes paladin ass over backwards to get him to like me. Do you not have eyes? You tought I'd sell him out to a monster hunter??? Girl. Girl, I figured out what your hand wound does. It's selective blindness. Shar, goddess of darkness, makes perfect sense, girl, Shadowheart, listen-
#sari plays bg3#this woman! I swear!!!#driving me mad#I kind of hate that I've grown so fond of her??#like. shar worship? BAD! and she can be unkind and uncaring and also ruthless. BUT. she also ends up liking doing good#and she CAN be cautious and patient and measured when she puts in the effort#and gale? he's not without sins. obviously. he's also very in the 'I regret that it didn't work' stage still rather than 'I regret doing#that' stage. which. I do get honestly? and he LOVES power. and he keeps spinning every story in a way he never admits he does love power#but he's SO nice. I love the way he talks. he's so intense about magic. so sweet about mystra. he's insane about his cat.#he locked himself in his tower moping for a year. it's implied that said tower was MEGA cluttered with artefacts before that.#how can you not love him at least a little bit? right?#I love how complex the characters are in this game#like even astarion- am I insane about him? yes. absolutely. I talk to him just to look at his face. I stare at his hands when he talks. BUT#he can be an asshole. just AWFUL. but I'm getting to know him so much and honestly who wouldn't be like that after what he's been through..#I'm 20 hours into the game and already I can't wait for future playthroughs where I spend more time with different characters#karlach and halsin are so fun! wyll is such a disaster! lae'zel is such a bitch! I love all of them.
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I have a small feud with the guys that attend the painting course. These guys are the ones that cause troubles and that don't respond when i try to organize the exams
Villain behavior.
You don't come between me and my desperate attempts at organizing stuff.
*Hisses*
#i sent the message on the group almost 3 weeks ago#my other classmate did#the girls from the other curses did#we did so for several days#we tried contacting them through other people in that course#all without results#now#those absolute bastards wake up#the day BEFORE the exam#and they have the AUDACITY#the fuuuuucking audacity#to say “oh we didn't know about the organization no one told us but these people cannot go to these days so we need to go first”#FUCK OFF#FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH YOUR DEMANDS#WE SENT COUNTLESS MESSAGES#the girl in my course is 10 times more patient than me because where i was ready to curse them out#she was willing to grant their request#AND I DO NOT AGREE#I do not#it's not my fault these people don't know how to read messages and REFUSED to get in contact with us up until the last day before the exam#but okay#whatever#next time I am waging war
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current state of my practicing vet med: inadvertedly sold some cat food while just trying to make things less stressful
#i've started to bribe cat patients with treats#which we've always done with dogs so i thought 'why not'#and while the number of cats responding to treat bribery is smaller than that of the dogs#it's far from zero#and well. one was inhaling them so fast today the owner asked where she could get the food#and i originally intended to just give her a free trial package since it was regular cat food not veterinary diet#but we also had some more at hand so i offered that and she took it#striped nose (the cat's actual name) i hope you're happy#at the very least I am happy because that's another patient i don't have to stress out too much#and that's one of the most important things to me
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I think I've been touchy lately about my feelings of access to/participation in generativity. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately by how much needs doing and how much disparate but necessary information I'm keeping in my head. I should probably get back into my thought maps for the work on the yard and house, because I think that will make it easier for me to empty my head when I'm not actively trying to work on something.
#i'm feeling a sinking recognition that i need to build a life for myself that's functional#even if it means accepting norms that i have been trying to cight for a long time in my relationships#boundaries are weird and hard and i've never been particularly good at them#but if the comversations i have with my clients are anything to go by#i have a solid understanding of how to identify and communicate them#i just don't seem to have the will to stand by my decision when push comes to shove#so people around me carry on doing what they've always done#and going all shocked pikachu face when i finally collect myself enough to remind them exactly how i feel about their behavior#oh i have no idea you felt like this!!!#why are you so angry and snappish all the time?????#i just don't have any idea what else you expect from me i already spend all my time thinking about what i expect you to expect of me?#what do you mean that's not the same thing as actually having open lines of communication with me and treating me like awhole fuckin person#i work so hard not to take my frustration out on anyone#to be kind and calm and clear when I talk#to love the things about them that i love and enjoy the time with them that i enjoy without feeling compelled to seek disappointment#asking for more or different just won't happen so what's the point of looking to feel hurt#and i do have a lot of different areas of my life that fulfill different needs of mine#so i understand that i'm lucky and should really probably accept that i am much less alone than I often feel#i just wish i had someone in my life who was both willing and able to see all of me with affection#or at least. someone who was willing and able to take on that role and who I am willing and able to trust with the role#therapy helps#my new therapist is nice and seems open and understanding#but i understand our relationship probably better than most patients given the circumstances#i know how important it is that she never be more than a facilitator of space in my life#she seems good at doing that and i appreciate having the space again#i don't really know what i want anymore but i know i'm tired of feeling unwelcome in my wholeness of self
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scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die
#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives#but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me#and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating#i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me#24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight#why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless#it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode#over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day#i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school#i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress#i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything#my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient#ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference#seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do#i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried)#i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine#if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it#idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed#i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal#idk what to do
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#im in so much fuckin pain i cant move ugh#like. typing this is excruciating#but i cant just stare at the wall or im gonna lose it eventually ugh#my pain is getring progressively worse these days and the last 2 months have been hell#doctors r worried this might be my new normal for the time being#which. uh#SUCKS#bc i cannot stand or walk for more than 5 mins#and i need a walker w me bc my cane isnt enough#and most days i am trapped in bed (or on the couch if i can make it there) unable to take care of myself#bc everything hurts and i feel like i'm being tortured#oh and my lordosis & the related pain is now at a level that might need serious medical intervention#my migraines r out of control#my joint problems r also way worse#and u kno what ? i would like to die now#thanks#truly and genuinely#im so done#i cant keep going this way#my doctor has no idea what to do#and the pain clinic im a patient of refuses to help further unless i sign up for their ridiculous pain education program#which is 8 weeks long with mandatory in-person weekly attendance (i do not live near it & cant afford transportation)#where they tell u all the ways ur pain is ur own fault and give u unrealistic and ridiculous advice abt exercise and lifestyle changes#that u Cannot do bc of said disabilites and pain#jfc#our healthcare system is broken and nobody cares if i live or die or suffer#AND im stuck dealing w my mother complaining abt my existence nonstop bc she resents me for the things i cannot do independently#so u kno what ya i am done. im so done. i give up#catch me rotting in this bed forever until i die. thats the only option being given to me
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i'm loving jodie foster in nyad for various reasons but my favorite bit is that her character, a 59 year old butch, dresses exactly like me in the summer, which is to say that we're both dykes in board shorts and very long shirts
#bonnie is a much more patient woman than i am though. also. she's a woman#diana nyad#nyad#bonnie stoll#jodie foster#i would probably dress like her full time except new england is freezing roughly eight months out of the year#a.t. shrieking
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Hey GT why are you reblogging Krumione gifsets huh why is that??? GT?
I HAD A POINT TO MAKE!!!!!
#i couldnt SAY THIS on the post bc i didnt want to rub my little dramione hands all over someone's kh post#but my POINT was something something like hermione has a taste for stern surly types who are good at things#canonically both men she dates are good-hearted dudes who can kind of be assholes#actually krum isn't an asshole. he's just extremely frowny and taciturn#anyway hermione likes an edge!!! shes a teenage girl she sees a hot dude from the Vaguely Evil School#and she's like ah great. she doesn't even care about quidditch she's just here for the dude#sidebar i saw someone in the comments worrying that lionheart would have a 'dating other people arc'#and to that i can only say god bless you take me for someone so much more patient than i am#i cannot write chemistry for non-endgame couples to save my life i cannae do it#in particular i do not see viktor and hermione dating long-term. i don't think it would work for a number of reasons#especially in the context of my fic
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(✿ ♥‿♥) Drunk!Mariana Edition
Bonus: The adorable way she looks at Ana while trying to comfort her as best she can in her sleepy drunk state
#madre solo hay dos#ana servín#mariana herrera#shitty screencap posts (TM)#me? finding absolutely ANY excuse to make posts about them in this episode? it's more likely than you'd think!#I know she is technically not drunk yet in the first set of caps but she's about to be so whatever it still counts#I really love how she gazes at ana while watching her pour back shot after shot of whatever that liquor was that made them compelled to bang#and she was SUPER charmed by ana's grumpy attitude all night long like just giggling along at everything she said#a less patient human would have been like fuck that noise I'm gonna go off to have fun you stay here and sulk if you want#but I guess ana is not the only one who has it bad and hasn't realized it yet#and this is unrelated to the main point of this post but looking at the last two caps it just reminded that#this wasn't the first time that an intoxicated ana rambled on and on about death while mariana tried to comfort her#idk maybe it was unintentional but I liked the callback#and the implication that thinking about the possibility of dying (more so than the drugs/alcohol I think)#is what makes ana make a move on mariana that she never would have made sober#anyway looks like I really am gonna write a thesis on every single throwaway moment between these two all season long sorry not sorry
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If I loved Wataei less I might be able to talk about them more....
#You know what I also like. Jane Austens Pride and Prejudice (knows that's a quote from Emma)#Gosh I really need to read Emma#Been meaning to but I've just been chipping away at mansfield park because it is so long#and personally I find it rather tedious to read because...Well let's just say I'm not very partial to people marrying their cousins#I am aware it was not strange in ye olden days but it's one of those modern biases I can't really shake off#but I can live with it it's just something that makes me do a little displeased frown because honestly#that's the best match the poor girl could've gotten in that book there were no better options at least the guy wasn't a complete moron#as far as I can gage at least#but I guess that's my fault for starting with Pride and Prejudice I found my Austen otp in Elizabeth and Darcy I just think they're really#really neat#I originally got into Jane Austen because I have a classmate or well I guess friend would be a fitting term too although we don't really#talk outside of a school setting or outside of the group but I don't really talk to anyone outside of the group or school anyways so#might as well just call her a friend#but yes she is very into Jane Austen she's such an anglophile in the best way possible it's very endearing she can tell you a lot about tea#and such#but back to topic I got into the books because she liked them and we share an english class where we're the only ones from our little bubbl#so naturally that sparks conversation and what to talk about when two people who are into english novels if not english novels#I got her to read Sherlock Holmes and she still like Agatha Christie better#but I was very happy about that because I really like Sherlock Holmes#she's much more patient than some of my other friends if that's the right word so that makes talking easier#it's not fun when you can tell your conversation partner doesn't really care#so now I'm still trying to get through all the Auste novels I'm doing a terribly poor job at it#been at it since January how many have I managed to finish? two.#I'm listening to the audiobooks and listening to engllish can be very tiring and the lady that narrates has a very nice voice so sometimes#I fall asleep and lose the point where I was so then I have to start the entire chapter again and it's a whole thing really#but where were we ah yes Wataei#I love them I really do it's such a shame I wish I could articulate it and put it into words#but instead I have this feelings soup#oh for shame what a horrible horrible world to live in#I missed rambling in my tags I think if I'm too scared to post something I'll just put it aaaaaalll in my tags again
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real
#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it?#it was such a weird day#started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake#and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc#bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team#and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious#and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today#i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour#why are men so similar everywhere#why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure#which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered#your dad issues#and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying#like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭#like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been#here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go#crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times#but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money#better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :((#as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol
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#unprecedented emotions in this body o mine. like. this may b surprising given the amount of bitching i do on this website#but let me assure u irl i am exceptionally patient. but right now. there is a limit and that is where we now stand#and again this is prob my fault but ive come to the conclusion that fuck these custom chambers. fuck the amount of work that went into them#fuck all of this. im not fucking using them. i will sit here with this one fucking bryophite chamber if it takes me all goddam day bc at#least i fucking trust the values. that means ill have to split up measurements by 2 days but fuck u im right abt this#the solution is: u cant fucking do 98 samples at once. that it. im sorry. fuck u#and i would probably have come to this conclusion earlier if i had thr time to test but doing it all rught now with no fucking room for#grace makes it very fucking clear. so idk. im not fucking using the chambers. and im not looking forward to explaining this to my boss#bc shes so excited abt this project that i have been dreading since its conception. i started with the 3 chambers and it was somehow#even more awful than i would have imagined. fuck that. 2 or 3 fucking weeks of this#and im not even getting paid for all the extra work i do bc i don't get overtime. im not even technically allowed to work weekends or over#40hrs a week. im just doinf this bc im already so miserable why thr fuck not.#hhhhh im being such a brat abt this for real. ugh but i dont wanna meet with my boss#bc this feels like the time where i have to explain that like. listen. u know that thing im really good at and have spent fucking hour and#hours and hours and hours of time doing? well its catastrophically destructive to my brain and thats whats landed us here#where im so fucking fed up that i wanna quit. clean cut and never work with this stuff ever again#and if i have to use the 3 chambers i might die. i might just evaporate away into a million pieces bc i dont wanna deal with this#but i dont wanna explain that bc then shell feel bad and this isnt her fault. i have an issue thats out of my control and im letting it#devour me whole so like 🤷♂️ its my fault bleh#whatever. itll be fine. ive got a coherent argument as to why this is too much. and i kno im fucking right so there it is#i feel like that helps me make decisions: heres what has to happen. heres whats preventing that from happening#and there it is. it either u can fix it or u cant. thats it. u deal with the things in ur control#lol at least im not alone to stew in my anger. im working with 2 other ppl today. so i mean i say that im fucking furious bc im visual fine#lol bc im a patient and level headed person irl im just really whiney online bc i have no outlet. so itll b fine. decision made now we just#deal with it. ugh but how tf am i gonna distract myself from how miserable this is all day? thats the real question#brain gets Interrupted ever 5 min bleh agony#unrelated
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Yknow usually I'm fine and even positive towards emails because they at least are not phone calls but then sometimes I receive an email and nearly go into a fucking autistic meltdown over it so like I get it
#distant citrus sounds#although in this case in general i am overstimulated#i temporarily have a coworker whose lowest volume is louder than anything my body is capable of producing#like she is default screaming at all times#works great with hard of hearing patients.#DOES make me want to die however.#long story short if one more fucking Thing Happens im going to bite someone's head off
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